


A Day at the Waterpark

by goyabean, RedBubbles



Series: Public Nuisances [1]
Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Other, Property Damage, Swearing, fucking they just get kicked out of a lot places
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-23 02:06:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11393118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goyabean/pseuds/goyabean, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedBubbles/pseuds/RedBubbles
Summary: They fuck it up at a water park.





	A Day at the Waterpark

“When are we going in the water?” Noodle asked as she shielded her eyes from the sun. Her pink Barbie sunglasses were outstanding in appearance, however in performance, they did nothing to protect her eyes from the harmful UV rays. 

Russel, Noodle, 2D, and Murdoc stood behind the large entrance line to their local waterpark, earning a few concerning glances from waiting families due to the fact that they looked completely out of place. Noodle couldn’t decide at the store as to which bathing suit she wanted, so she sported an odd pair of a Little Mermaid bathing suit top and Lilo and Stitch bottoms; her little scuba diving flippers were probably her favorite part of the look. 2D looked pastier than usual because he slathered on too much sun screen. He sported a fine professional speedo along with racing goggles and a white pool cap. The only thing that looked out of place were his SpongeBob armbands; he had to get the kids size because his arms were too thin. Murdoc looked the oddest out of them all. He was decked out in a floral print mankini, his cape did the public a favor because it hid his assne from the large amounts of young impressionable children. He also wore a pair of camo Crocs™. The only person that looked normal was Russel, as he wore a baseball cap and a simple pair of swim trunks; the best dad out of the three. 

The line moved faster than expected, Noodle awkwardly hobbling like a penguin in front of them as she made her way to the kiddie pool. Russel sat on a lounge chair under the shade and reminded her to come out every half hour for a new coat of sunscreen. Murdoc sat next to a couple of good looking moms and began striking up a conversation, “Lovely weather we’re having, yeah?” 

“We’re in the middle of a heat wave…” One of the mothers says before laughing a bit. They turn to look at their children playing in front of them. Noodle’s loud laughter could be heard as she splashed water in another kids face before pushing him down underneath the water. “Dear lord,” another mother says as she watches Noodle steal the other child’s armbands before dunking his head underneath the water. 

“She’s fantastic, isn’t she?” Murdoc says before he leans forward and shouts, “You’re doing great, sweetie!” 

“Is that your daughter?” 

“Nah, we just found her in a Fedex box on our doorstep a few months ago.” Murdoc says, flashing the woman a shark-like smile before leaning back in the chair and crossing his arms behind his head.

 

Meanwhile, 2D was sat next to Russel reapplying air into his already deflated SpongeBob arm floaties. One of the single mothers notices as she approaches him, sitting on the unoccupied lounge chair to his right, “Aww, are those for your daughter?” she asks, smiling and nodding towards where Noodle seems to have commandeered a small army of sun cream slathered children. 

2D looks at the mother in confusion, “Nah, they’re for me.” 

The mother, clearly a little weirded out, gets up and leaves quickly. Noodle spends a decent amount of time in the kiddie pool, 2D eventually joins her once his SpongeBob armbands are overinflated. He earns the attention of the other children in the kiddie pool and they begin to climb his lanky legs and arms, as if he were nothing more than a tree.  
One of them accidentally pulls down his speedo a bit in the process, exposing himself for the entire pool to see. The children break out into hysterics, screaming and scattering the kiddie pool as 2D tucks himself back in to the skimpy swimwear. The band of four are escorted out of the kiddie pool by a lifeguard and asked to stay at least 50 feet from the area. 

 

Noodle spots an ice cream truck and lets out a piercing scream, the other three barely flinch having gotten well used to her loud noises. 2D seems equally enthusiastic, hoisting Noodle up to look at the selection of ice creams and ice lollies. The two dither and take their time. 

“Can I get a 99 with a flake?” 2D asks, just as Murdoc decides he’s had enough. 

“For fucks sake, move,” Murdoc shoves 2D to the side, “Is there alcohol in the cider ice lolly?” 

“Uh…” the poor man in the truck pauses, “No, sorry mate." 

“False fuckin’ advertising. Fine, I’ll have one anyway.” 

Russel orders the biggest ice cream available, and Noodle waves, drawing attention to herself. “Me too, me too!” 

“Noodle, no, it’s too big, you won’t finish it,” Russel says. 

“Me too!” she screeches insistently, and Russel sighs. “Fine."

 

Ice cream in hand and pockets considerably lighter from the cold dairy behemoths that both Russel and Noodle hold, the happy family of four make their way over to an unoccupied table. Once seated, 2D licks his ice cream a little too enthusiastically and it ends up falling onto his thighs. He tries to scoop it up with the cone, but Russel stops him so he doesn’t embarrass them any further. 

“Russ, what should I do?” 2D asks as he tries to wipe it off with the few napkins they grabbed. 

“Go wash it off in the pool over there,” Russel points to the nearest pool and 2D heads over, squatting awkwardly as he washes the remaining ice cream from his thighs. Murdoc laughs at 2D as he licks his lolly with his abnormally long tongue, it wraps around the treat twice. He sees a few women watching him, and he winks. He laughs harder when 2D gets yelled at by one of the lifeguards for contaminating the water. His laughter is cut short when a seagull swoops down and steals his lolly. 

“Oi, give that back you stupid feathery git!” he shouts as he sprints after the bird. Noodle, Russel and 2D sit quietly as they watch Murdoc chase after the bird. 2D sneaks bits of Noodle’s ice cream whenever she looks the other way. 

“Those next!” Noodle says, pointing to a collection of face paced water slides. Screams of terror can be heard all the way from their small table down below. 

“Are you sure about that one?” Russel asks cautiously. 2D eyes the slides fearfully. 

"Please please please please—” 

“Alright. Finish your ice cream first,” Russel says before they collect Murdoc and head off. 

 

Noodle eagerly climbs the stairs as they approach the line for Pirate’s Drop. 2D holds onto the side railing for dear life as they climb higher and higher above the ground. Murdoc chats up a few girls, making up some random bizarre crap about the ride, even though he’s never actually been on it before. Soon enough, they’re next up to go down the slides. 2D sits awkwardly at the top of one, Noodle on the one to his left. “Tell me when to go,” he says as he looks into down into the pitch black slide skeptically. 

“Yeah, alright mate,” Murdoc says, beginning to count down from 10 before he kicks 2D’s back on 6, sending him spiraling wildly down the abyss. His screams fade out the further he travels down. 

Noodle cautiously stands up again, backing away from the mouth of the slide, clinging onto the railing with white knuckles. “I don’t wanna anymore…”

“Hey, Noodle, look over there!” Murdoc yells insincerely while pointing at the sky to his right. She looks up at nothing before Murdoc lunges forward and shoves her down into the slide. She screams piercingly, fading as she gets further down. Murdoc cackles triumphantly at the top of the slide, hands on his hips, feeling very proud of himself. “A+ parenting, eh Russ?” 

Russel glares at the bassist. “Hey, Muds, look over there,” he says in a deadly straight voice. 

“Nice try, Russ but—” his scream cuts him off as Russel picks him roughly and throws him into the slide, head first. He smirks to himself as he takes his seat and peacefully makes his way down the slide, as it should be. 

 

When Murdoc, Russel and Noodle reunite in the small pool of water at the end of the slides, Noodle karate chops Murdoc in the dick, his mankini protecting his genitals very little as the pain surges throughout his entire body; his entire soul. Russel, Noodle, and Murdoc all stand outside the pool and wait patiently for 2D to emerge from one of the slides. Russel narrows his eyes as he scans the crowd of people emerging from the slides, “I don’t seem him.” 

“Aren't those his?” Murdoc asks as 2D’s speedos flop into the water from the second nearest slide. Murdoc wades through the water towards it, sticking his head in. “Oi faceache! You stuck or something?” 

Russel and Noodle watch Murdoc, and then look up to where loud, piercing, high pitched screams leak through the slide. “Three, two, one,” they count down together, and suddenly 2D slams into Murdoc, naked as the day he was born, sending them both sprawling through the pool, almost knocking down a crowd of girls. 

“My speedos!” 2D hollers as he surfaces, hair slicked down over his eyes, “I’ve lost my flippin’ speedos!” The girls scatter with shrieks of terror and Murdoc grabs 2D’s speedos gingerly, throwing them in 2D’s face. 

“Here you go, blue pubes,” he mutters.

 

“Alright, what next?” Murdoc asks as he and 2D join the rest of the band. 

“Those!” Noodle yells, pointing to the various diving boards over to their right. Her finger falls as the person standing from the highest board leaps, falling and landing heavily on the surface.

“I think I’m gonna sit this one out,” Russel says as they approach the attraction. He sits underneath the shade of a beach umbrella below while the rest of the band makes their way over to the stairs leading to the diving boards. 

 

“After this, can we go to the wave pool?” 2D asks as the three of them head up the stairs. 

“Yeah, sure whatever,” Murdoc says, distracted by the skimpy bikini clad arses of 3 girls climbing just ahead of them. The line for the boards moved particularly fast and soon enough, they found themselves standing upon the highest board, glancing down at the water with wide eyes. “Uh, why don’t you go first D, old buddy, old pal?” Murdoc steps aside and gestures his hands for the singer to step in front.

“What? Have you got cold feet or something?” 

“In your dreams, mate!” Murdoc snaps, almost cutting 2D off as he steps in front, his ego getting the better of him. Noodle stands in front of 2D as they watch the bassist slowly make his way to the edge of the board. Murdoc looks down and swallows the lump in his throat, “It’s just a few meters above the water, that’s all. You’ve got this, Murdoc. You’ve go—” 

His pep talk is cut short when a pair of small hands push him forward, over the edge of the board. He screams loudly the entire way down until he lands, belly first, on the water. He floats face down on the surface until a lifeguard grabs a pool hook and tows him to the edge. 

Noodle’s jump is much more graceful. She leaps off of the board with confidence and her head high, arms positioned to her sides as she falls into the water with elegance and poise; she puts the competitive divers to shame. 

2D’s jump: he just fucking falls. His arms and legs move out of synch with his body, and his screams echo throughout the entire water park. He lands head first and emerges coughing and hacking, his eyes completely covered by his wet hair. One of his armbands had come loose and floated away, and he thrashes the water, yelling hoarsely for help. 

“Just stand up, mate!” yells one of the lifeguards. 

2D stops yelling just long enough to extend his legs and find that he’s thrashed himself into the shallows before racing out of the water to where Russel sits, looking disappointed in all of them except Noodle. “Now can we go to the wave pool, please?” 2D begs, teeth chattering. 

Murdoc hobbles over, his entire front bright red and sore, gnashing his teeth and very pissed off. “Whatever,” he growls, softening only slightly when Noodle takes his hand and sticks her tongue out at him. 

 

They find a nice place to put their belongings underneath a large pool umbrella. 2D looks at his arms and notices that they appear less pasty, “Oi, Murdoc, can you put some more sun cream on me?” 2D asks as he fishes the sunscreen bottle out from Russel’s bag.

“Not on your fucking-,” Murdoc snaps, then stops halfway through, a sinister smile forming upon his already repulsive face, “Yeah, yeah alright, sure thing, buddy,” He squeezes the bottle and pours out a considerable amount onto this hands before he slaps it forcefully onto 2D’s bare back. 2D lets out a yelp of slight pain before Murdoc aggressively paints his back with the sunscreen. “Stop wriggling,” he growls, and 2D mutters under his breath. Murdoc takes one of his grimy fingers and draws a penis into the sun cream, topping it off with a pair of hairy balls. “Bob’s your uncle,” Murdoc says, sniggering and patting 2D’s shoulder with surprising gentleness before trotting off after Russel and Noodle. 2D lumbers after them, grinning unknowingly at the groups of giggling people who get a glimpse of his back.

Noodle sprints into the water until her chin is just above the water and doggy paddles forward, giggling loudly. Russel trails after her and hoists her up on his shoulders and swims further into the waves. Noodle hollers excitedly as she points forward, directing Russel like an ocean faring captain as he swims, digging her heels into his sides like a horse. 

2D splashes about as he tries to lopsidedly paddle forward his way through the wave pool. He floats at an angle, due to the fact that one of his arm bands had gone missing as he struggles to catch up to Russel and Noodle. Unknown to him, Murdoc swims a few feet below him, grinning evilly, ascending slowly until he’s level with 2D’s giant duck feet.  
In one swift moment, he grabs hold of his ankles and yanks him down. 2D disappears beneath the water, and then bursts up, gasping, arms flailing about as he struggles to hold himself above the water, “Shark! theres a fucking shark in the pool!” he screeches, looking around desperately, “RUS! RUS! SAVE NOODLE! SAVE YOURSELF! DON’T WORRY ABOUT MURDOC, TAKE NOODLE AND RUN!" 

Nearby strangers shoot him questioning glances as they slowly swim away from him. He flails his arms like a madman, his remaining armband flying off and hitting a small child in the face. A lifeguard whistle sounds, drawing everyone’s attention and 2D stops struggling all at once. 

Murdoc emerges from the water behind him, shaking with laughter, clutching his sides. “You shoulda seen your fucking face!” he splutters, pushing his hair out of his face, “Fucking hell!” 

“Sirs, we’re going to have to ask you and your daughter to leave the park,” one of the lifeguards says, gesturing at where Russel has his face buried in his hands and Noodle is laughing loudly and kicking the water. 

“My daughter?” 2D questions, and Murdoc sniggers. 

“Yeah, alright, my daughter and I will leave the park,” Russel apologizes profusely as the lifeguard escorts them to the exit. He turns to Murdoc and 2D, Noodle still on his shoulders, looking equally serious. Russell glares at them both. “Wow, a record, two whole hours!” he exclaims sarcastically. 

“It would have be MORE if SOMEONE didn’t try to DROWN me,” 2D complains loudly as the four head towards the exit of the water park. 

“Shut your trap, dickback” Murdoc mutters. Murdoc glances at the nice red penis shape burnt onto 2D’s back.

“Dickback?” 

“Oh, nothing, nothing,” 

“I had fun,” Noodle pipes up, earning the attention of all three. The faintest trace of a smile appears on Murdoc’s face as Russel and 2D grin fondly at the young guitarist. 

“Why don’t we finish the day off with some pizza?” 2D suggests. 

“We would, if every pizza place hadn’t put us on a no-serve list,” Russel reminds him. 

“Oh yeah…” 

“Oh fuck it, let’s just get McDonalds,” Murdoc growls, “I’m too old for this shit.”

**Author's Note:**

> god hates me
> 
> Edit from RedBubbles: god hates me too


End file.
